The Myth of Jim

Tiny rant

I hate the cosmetic/weight loss/glamor industry with white-hot passion. They continually prey on people’s insecurities, telling them their eyelashes aren’t long enough, their faces aren’t lovely enough, they aren’t thin enough, they aren’t dressed well — the list goes on and on and on — all to sell them a boatload of offal at highway robbers’ rates.

Meanwhile the inner person, the place from which all true beauty, decency, gentleness, nurturing, kindness and love emanates, goes neglected. Why? Because there’s no way to sell those things. No spurious solutions you can package to keep the suckers coming back for more, more, more.

If losing weight or wearing lipstick or daubing behind the ear with a little Vera Wang perfume makes you feel better about yourself, by all means do it. Enjoy it. But not because the advertising industry dictates terms of beauty to you. Dictate your own terms of beauty, and don’t let the bastards piss on your parade.

My eyelashes aren’t long enough?

trapezemusic:

In the shower I cross-examined myself about which is cooler, zombies or vampires; and I believe I’ve arrived at the definitive answer:

Roman Polanski played a vampire killer. Ving Rhames played a zombie killer.

All other arguments are pretty much moot.

Ving Rhames got raped by Peter Green in Pulp Fiction: Not Cool. Roman Polanski raped a child: Very Not Cool.

I think you need to continue your research.

frageelaytwit:

No Sexy Sex Thursday is Complete

Without Grace Kelly. Just sayin’. This is an image from the cover of Life Magazine in April 1955. Photo by Philippe Halsman.

I think the black and white dress Kelly wore in Rear Window is my favorite dress ever, but this pose is sexier.

Grace Kelly is the only woman (other than her) that my wife lets me lust over. “Dear, I was in love with her years before you came along.”

trapezemusic:

(Image © Chris Buck, stolen from his Web site.)

Yes. I have a fetish for sheep.

No. It isn’t sexual.

I’m certain the sheep looking over the man’s shoulder is named Reggie.

I like sheep too. And, like the author of this Tumblr, I don’t want to … umm … have relations with them either.

trapezemusic:

Billy Idol: White Wedding

If you were alive in the 80s, saw this video on MTV for the first time, and didn’t think it was somehow revolutionary, you were either on the cutting edge of music at CBGBs or you voted for Ronald Reagan. The first sin is forgivable; the second isn’t.

Anyway, it’s still a nice day for a white wedding. (And everything that comes after.)

I voted for Ronald Reagan. I do not apologize.

I never bought what Billy Idol was selling. I thought he was trying too hard.

But still …

Now you know how to do it correctly (for @jamesbainbridge).

It has to be in black & white (we’re not paying for color);
Must use reverse header (and Big Block Font That Jim Likes);
Must have thick border;
Must have burst with call to action (with OzHandicraft);
Must have BIG phone number;
Don’t forget the disclaimer;
Put the website in the footer.

This one go returned to the designer because there’s too much whitespace and plenty of room to fill with copy or a picture insert.

She: Do you like Kipling?
He: I don't know. I never kippled.

“ I love you oh so well
Like a kid loves candy and fresh snow
I love you oh so well
Enough to fill up heaven
Overflow and fill hell

— Dave Matthews

My Family

Taxman

John Bergeron has done my taxes for 20 years. My entire married life.

He died a couple of weeks ago. His ticker just. stopped. He was only 60. Smoked like a chimney. That’s what probably got him.

John did my taxes for $10. But he was an entertainer. He always had a lot of stories, and jokes, and advice … and not just tax advice. Hell, he didn’t talk taxes! Then he would have to charge more.

As it turned out it was only $10 for the taxes. But another $100 for front row at The John Bergeron Show.

John, even though you only showed up once a year at my house, you are part of my family. I love you. I’m going to miss you.